I was joking at work today about how I didn't want to have my picture as my instant messenger avatar because I was looking to preserve my anonymity and privacy.
"You? The blogger?" My co-worker laughed.
And it caused me to think about just how much of my brain is online for the world to poke around in. Sometimes I feel very self-conscious about it. All these thoughts about diabetes and how it makes me feel, how it affects my life, my friends, my fiance, my job, my ability to consume mass quantities of juice ... all of it. I kept these thoughts to myself for so many years that to finally have found comfort with sharing them is startling when I stop to think about it.
I thought about how much more my family knows about living with diabetes as a result of having this little portal into my heart. How much more my friends have learned without me having to say a word. How my then-boyfriend, now fiance, has realized how much of my life diabetes touches. How much of his life diabetes touches.
There is a definitive power to blogging, but it has nothing to do with statcounters and comments and accolades. It's about sharing these feelings and forcing myself to deal with these emotions, how that has truly kept diabetes from being an isolating force in my life.
So, as I've experienced some difficult diabetes moments in the last few days - struggling with workouts, waking at 5 am to the dull thud of a low blood sugar, and a general feeling of frustration - I am reminded that I owe all of you an enormous thank you. Thank you to the people who are reading, to those who are blogging along side me, and to those of you who take care of us.
(Yes, Sausage. Even you.)