« January 2007 | Main | March 2007 »

February 28, 2007

Not Since Gym Class in 7th Grade

For heart, you know.I haven't picked up a jump rope since gym class, seventh grade. 

Back in the day, we did that "Jump Rope for Heart" thing where you collect pledges from your aunts and neighbors, then spend an afternoon in the middle school gym leaping about randomly with a length of plastic rope.  It was always utter chaos and left most people with sharp, stinging burns on their shins from whacking themselves with the rope.

Currently bored as can be with my cardio workout, I've been trying to find other ways to spend 33 minutes without resorting to the same treadmill routine.  Increasing the incline and chucking the speed up a bit is fine for a few weeks, but that becomes boring.  I tried rotating ten minute cycles - from the treadmill, to the elliptical, to the stepper - but I became burnt out on that, too.  There weren't enough magazines or iPod playlists or chats with Larry that could keep me interested long enough.

I needed a change.

So what made me think that adding this into my workout was a good idea?

Good ol' Rocky.

In every movie, he is always jumping rope.  And he has theme music.  And he's SuperFit.  I'm thinking - maybe, by some magical intervention, not unlike Frosty the Snowman with his old silk hat - that this jazzy new jump rope idea may infuse my mundane workouts with new life. 

So last night, I made my Jump Rope Debut.  I completed 20 minutes on the treadmill, grabbed my fancy new jump rope (only $7.00 at my local sporting goods store!) and progressed to the weight room upstairs, where there is more than enough room to sling around a rope. 

Intial feelings:  God, this is a little awkward.  But if I keep my shoulders tight and my arms steady (instead of flailing around like a 5 yr old), it's not so bouncy.  And it was that whole "riding a bike" thing - you never really forget how.  Whoops, just whacked my shins.  Nevermind.  I'm not bored with this!  Yay!

This morning's feelings:  Whoa, my calves hurt.  And my abs hurt, too.  Good.  It's working.

Maybe tonight I'll load up the Rocky training sequence theme to my iPod, and I'll finally have some damn theme music.

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 27, 2007

Grumble Grumble.

Two am.

The alarm goes off.  My response:  Grumble, grumble.Grumble.

My arm snakes out from underneath the warm down comforter.  Siah sneezes beside me, where she has taken up residence on Chris’s pillow.  I grab my kit.  Unzip it.  Fumble with the strip, trying to use the sliver of moonlight as my guide.  Prick finger.  Stick finger in my mouth.  Wait for result.  170 mg/dl.  Okay. 

Text Chris – “2:30 am – 170 mg/dl.”

With Chris away for the next week, he’s asked me to promise to do 2 am glucose testings while he’s gone, so I'll stay safe.

“I’ll be tired, though!”  The whine in my voice is almost unavoidable.  Two am?  Every night?  Oh man…

“I know, but please just do it anyway?  You can go right back to sleep afterwards.”

Grumble grumble.  But he's right.

Last night was the first in this string of midnight vampirism.  I’m not anticipating any problems while he's gone, but I am sleeping with the phone and a bottle of juice by the bed.  My mom expects a phone call by 8:30 every morning so she knows I’m alive and well at work.  I also had a brief discussion with Abby (yes, the cat) about waking me up if I seem sweaty.  She confirmed the arrangement by licking my knuckle. 

And on a completely unrelated note, I did a podcast interview for The Official Diabetes Blog.  Bit of a chat about diabetes, blogging, and diabetes education.  (I’m beginning to think that I may, in fact, speak way too quickly for human consumption.)  I hope you enjoy it!

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 26, 2007

Hey Look! A Wagon Wheel!

I'm out of town at the moment, but we've been singing this clip for a few weeks now and I finally remembered to look it up on YouTube.  I love old school PSA's.

Hooray for cheese!

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 23, 2007

Train Wreck.

Kerri, Chris, and some juice.Running late for the train, as usual, I leaned in to the mirror and applied my mascara with shaking hands.  Noticed I was sort of weaving as I stood there.  I tried to pick up my comb but my fingers were too clumsy and the comb clattered to the floor.

“Chris?  Hey Chris?  Do you mind grabbing my meter?”

I hear his footsteps coming down the hall and the distinct “zii-iiip” of the black meter case being opened.

“Here, baby.”

Prick my finger.  Feed the little blood-hungry machine. 

48 mg/dl.  For some reason, just seeing the number makes me feel lower.

“Hey now…” Chris responds.  “Juice?”

I nod.

He comes back with a glass full of the all-natural juice we bought at Trader Joe’s.  Having every intention of eating healthy, we purchased this pomegranate, cranberry, and blueberry blending while thinking, “Well, if you have to drink juice to treat a reaction, may as well make it the healthiest possible juice!” 

Note to readers:  The Trader Joe’s all-natural juice tastes like garbage.  It is sort of bitter and thick and was almost unchuggable, making it difficult to choke down eight sips.  I will never buy it again.

I drained the glass, taking breaks between sips to say, “Blech, this stuff tastes horrendous!”

We have to leave in two minutes, so I try and gather up my things while coming up from the low.

“You’d better drive.  I’m feeling odd still.”

In the car, I start shaking.

“I’m not up yet.”   My voice sounds hollow and like it's not coming from my head.

Chris takes the Capri Sun from the center console of my car and hands it to me.

“Drink this, Kerri.”

Drained it.  I press my hands to my head, to keep my sense from flying out.

Car parked.  Buy tickets.  Waiting for the train.

“I feel crummy, baby.  I really don’t feel well at all.”  He takes my hand.  A homeless woman walks through the crowded platform, yelling, “All you fat bitches can’t spare some change to get me some food?  Just some food?  I need to eat.  I need to eat to survive.”

The iron arches above where are sitting are catching my panicked breaths as they escape, forming icicles of fear above my head.

“You okay?  The train is coming.  Are you okay?”

“I’m okay.”  I’m trying to force my head to unfog and take control of my body.  Knees weak, eyes tearing up.  My tongue lays thick in my mouth.

The train roars through.  We board.

I test again.  57 mg/dl.

“Fifty-seven?  You haven’t come up much at all.  How about some glucose tabs?”

I chew on the grape-flavored glucose tabs from the depths of my purse, their violet dust collecting on my gloves.  Close my eyes and pretend I’m sleeping so no one sees my tears of frustration.

“It’s okay, Kerri.  It’s okay.  You’ve had a ton of juice.  You’ll come up soon.  It’s okay.” 

While he’s right, it’s hard to hear him from the bottom of this well.  I started the day with a 4 am low, over-treating myself up to a ripe 398 mg/dl, spending the day high as the proverbial kite, and now crashing back down to these lows again.

“I was 198 for about an hour today, you know.”  I said to no one in particular.

“Test again, Kerri.”

106 mg/dl.  Finally on the climb.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, 106.”  I start to smirk out of sheer relief.  I laugh.  My voice sounds like mine again.  “I feel stupid.”

“No baby, you’re not stupid.  You were just low.”

“No, I mean I feel stupid, like I killed some brain cells with this one.”

So damn tired now.  My deviation for the day spanned several hundred points.  I felt embarrassed and annoyed with this disease. 

Conveniently enough, I was en route to Divabetic in N YC.  I was looking forward to the pick me up.  (A full report on Divabetic coming to dLife next week.) 

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 22, 2007

Siah Fits In.

What is die-a-beeeet-es?  What are all these little toys she plays with?  Test strips are fun to chew on.  What is that beeper thing?  I see the delicious wires poking from the top of her sweatpants before bed.  And I love those fun little plastic caps.  I steal them off the dresser and hide them underneath her desk.  Sometimes she mutters, "I can't find a damn pump cap anywhere!" but I know where they all are.

I wanted to know what it was like to have this die-a-beeeet-es.  I want to fit in.  So when she jumped in the shower after she came back from the gym, I tried out her stuff.

Make sure the site is clean!

I made sure my paw was clean before I tested. 

Stuff on my cat, anyone?

I pushed some buttons on this beeper thing like she does before she eats, but then became distracted by the tasty tubing.

Snacktime.

Okay, use the pricker thing.  Push buttons on the beeper thing.  Eat snacks.  Got it.

tuckered out

This die-a-beeeet-es is a lot of work!  I need a nap.

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 21, 2007

Unlocking the Memory.

Strange, this "blogging."  Unlocking this memory.

It’s one of those things that I never expected would interest me, and then once I started, I never expected anyone to read it.  I write this stuff to get it out of my system and to deal with the emotional aspects of being diabetic.  And I write it so that the parents of diabetic kids, and the diabetic kids themselves, will maybe read it and see that they’re not alone. 

But mostly, I write it to write it. And I never expected anyone to read it.

Which is why writing about a moment that made me feel so vulnerable didn’t really give me pause, because who would see it, really? 

Written back when I first started the blog, I told the story about a time when I was in 5th grade and a classmate made me feel like … well, “Crumbs Morrone.”  She and another classmate had left a note in my locker about how they hated me because I was diabetic.  It was a dark moment in my diabetes memory and one that I haven’t forgotten about, even now, so many years later.  But I did keep it locked up and close.

It’s been almost two years since I started blogging.  I had sort of forgotten about that post.

Until I received an email from that classmate.

“I don’t know why I’m writing you.  … I guess the only thing I can say is I’m sorry.  I wanted to let you know that it is one of the things that I remember and regret daily.” 

I haven’t talked to this classmate in ten years.  I never thought she would ever read my blog.  The shock of hearing from her was tremendous.

“I work at a high school now and one of my students is diabetic.  I’ve told her the story about what I did to you one day when we were talking one-on-one.  I explained how mean I was and how ignorant.  And I told her about your blog.”

I can’t help it – I start to cry at this point. 

“I wanted you to know what just as you remember, so do I.  And it still stings my memory as well.”

Thank you, Red Headed Girl, for letting me unlock this memory and set us both free.

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 19, 2007

Sleep Deprived.

There’s a commercial for IKEA that I’ve seen several times, with people all snuggled into their beds, big fluffy down comforters tucked up to their relaxed shoulders and enormously comfy pillows to press their sleepy cheeks against.  They’re smiling in the slumber, all warm and cozy.Mmmmm ... bed.

Ah, how I loathe these people.

I’m not sure if it’s simply in my nature to be a night owl, but my bed and I don’t make contact until after midnight every night, sometimes edging closer to one.  I get up at 7:30 am for work each day, so I’m not scoring much sleep during the course of the night.   Coffee is my torrid morning lover and my medicine cabinet has a nice, expensive jar of under-eye cream in there that is used daily.

Sometimes it's a bizarre blood sugar event will send the baggage under my eyes.  Other times, it’s as though I’m just not feeling as rested, for some reason.  I’ve read on other sites that diabetics are more inclined to exhaustion (this wouldn’t surprise me in the least, seeing as how a 100 point blood sugar fluctuation is enough to make me want to take a 30 minute Siah nap), but I’m thinking it’s more my sleep pattern than my endocrine issue. 

Even when I score 8 hours of sleep, I still feel slightly foggy.  I’ve had my thyroid checked.  I’ve done the whole overnight blood sugar checking to make sure I’m not dipping way down in the middle of the night.  And no, Mom, I’m not pregnant.  

Sleep just evades me, the slippery little sucker.  I lay my head down on the pillow, five minutes later the fat cat arrives to sleep on my head, and I close my eyes.  But my brain is still whirring away, thinking of things I want to do and thoughts I’ve barely processed and what am I going to wear tomorrow and is it a site change day and what about my car needing that oil change and oooh, I have an article idea and hey, I’m sort of hungry.  The internal monologue spins out of control.  I feel Chris start to fall asleep beside me and my brain says, “Hey!  Wait for me!” 

And then I see those blasted IKEA commercials.

Maybe I’ll just take a ride to New Haven and take a nap in those IKEA display beds.  Perhaps I’ll enjoy a snack of some Swedish meatballs, too.  Ah, bed.

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 16, 2007

Overtreating.

We had the bedroom door mostly shut, to keep the heat in and in (futile) attempt to keep the cats out.   It’s icy cold out there and the big picture window in the bedroom doesn’t do much for keeping things toasty warm, so we have a down comforter, a fleece, and a throw on the bed.Cold.

I fell asleep around midnight, tucked underneath the mountain of blankets and pressed against my boyfriend.  Warm and cozy, with a little gray Siah nestled between us. 

5:32 am.

Every blanket tossed off me.  Shirt tangled around my damp collarbone.  Forehead slick with sweat.  Abby is prowling around at the base of the bed, emitting frantic little meows.  The room is frighteningly silent and I can hear my heart beating in my ears.  It is so hot in here I can’t stand it.  I am so tired.  I ask Chris for help but the words are caught in my teeth and, instead, I reach over for my meter case, unzip it, and find out what number was keeping me from sleeping.

43 mg/dl.

The same version of autopilot for 20 years.  Out to the fridge.  Upcap the grape juice.  Eight sips.  Wipe my mouth with my sleeve, knowing I’ll be angry that my white shirt sleeve is stained violet with juice but I didn’t mind now and I just wanted to go back to bed.

Without thinking, grabbed a fistful of cereal from the box on the top of the fridge.  The little O’s look like prehistoric tires, all jagged and almost square-ish.  Chomp those down, imagining them turning shades of purple in my mouth from the grape juice stains.

Stumble back to bed.  Abby walks in front of me, guiding the way.

Back under the covers.  Press my cold nose against Chris’s shoulder.  He stirs and goes into the autopilot he's been on for the past two years. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I’m low.  Will you hold me?”

“Did you drink juice?”

“Yes.”

He puts his arm around me.  My brain is sloshing around in my head but the letters have been picked clean from my teeth and I’m regaining the ability to make words.

Reassured that the taste of juice in my mouth means my blood sugar will come up eventually, I close my eyes and sleep holds me as close as Chris.

This morning, the sweaters have replaced the letters.  Blood sugar is 306 mg/dl, thank you very much.  Annoyed that it was probably the arbitrary fistful of cereal that lurched me over the edge, I’m chasing insulin with coffee to keep from letting the night’s events affect my work day.

Damn this urge to over-treat.  You would think, after all these years, I would be able to control that by now.

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 15, 2007

The Sharon Fruit. And Spam.

I feel generally creepy about eating foods named for people.  Granny Smith apples (Julia, please tell me you’d seen the Eddie Izzard bit about Mrs. Smith not making it big in the apple business until she encouraged her daughter to have a baby…), The Roker, or Eggs Benedict.   But I may have found an exception to the rule.

The Sharon fruit.

This delicious Sharon fruit is a kind of persimmon and is bright orange with a thick waxy skin and pulpy interior.  … hmmm, I just read what I wrote for a description and it doesn’t exactly sound delicious.  But it is.  Chris read about it in one of his fitness magazines and he bought some at the grocery store.  We both ate one and decided these were tasty, unique, and the perfect thing to devour before a gym workout as they seem to help keep my sugars steady throughouTasty bits, these.t an intense cardio workout. 

And damnit, these little fruits are so tasty!  They’re like fancy, fruity tomatoes.  (Again, maybe that doesn’t sound completely delicious, but describing their taste is a bit tricky.)

These are now my new favorite snacky bit.  I know there is dissention within the diabetes community about whether or not fruit is the best snacking option, but it works for me.  And I refuse to inundate myself with low-carb snack bars and other processed bits when an organic Sharon fruit is working just fine.  

RANDOM EDITOR’S NOTE:  Unbelievable amount of spam in the comments these days.  So far, I’ve been offered 15 different ways to increase penis size, hints on how to make her love me like no other man, and advice on how to start an online casino.  These spammers are getting trickier and trickier.  They leave comments ranging from “Nice site!  I love it!” to “Not much going on these days.  I’m really bored and just hanging around the house,” to “Pretty colors!  And you, as the blog owner, are terrific!”  Mind you, these comments include hyperlinks to what I’m guessing are the most horrific pornographic sites imaginable and other disturbing pages. 

So I’ve changed the comments function on SUM to require an email address.  Almost everyone does, at this point, but now I’m requiring it to keep the comments section free of offensive, spammy chaos.  If you are a lurker and prefer to remain lurkish, just dummy up an email and pop it in there.  No harm, no foul.  Sorry about the changes!

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 14, 2007

The Peanut Butter.

Before we moved in together, I lived alone in a very cute apartment in South County, RI.  He came over one night after work and we made a trip to the grocery store.  As we unpacked the bags, I told him I had a very strange habit once I developed a crush on someone.  It was silly and childish, yet I was still doing it.

It involved peanut butter.

“If I buy a new jar of peanut butter, I peel back the foil and use the tip of a knife to write in the name of the person I have a crush on.”

He looked at me with an amused grin. 

“You do?  Really?”

I blushed.  “Yes, I do.  I know it’s a weird habit.  But I keep doing it.” 

“Have you ever written my name?”  He poked me gently in the ribs.

“Yes.”  Face on fire now.  Why was I telling him this?  I sounded ridiculous.

We finished putting away the groceries. 

A few nights later, as I was alone in my little apartment, I reached up into the cabinet and grabbed the new jar of peanut butter.  Knife in hand, I unscrewed the lid and prepared to etch his name.  I smiled to myself at the goofiness of it all. 

I lifted off the lid and the knife clattered to the countertop.  I couldn’t help myself from smiling and my eyes filled with tears.My name in the peanut butter.

In the top of my new jar of peanut butter, he had written my name.

He inspired me to start this blog and he supports every bit of this adventure.  He moved away from home with me so I could pursue a career at dLife. (He even helps me check for typos.)  He makes me laugh every day.  And he tolerates my idiot cats.

He is my best friend and I love him dearly.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Chris. 

I still write your name in the peanut butter.
1

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 13, 2007

Prince ... and Nancy Pelosi.

His name is Prince.  And he is funky!I bought a Prince cd.

Yes, I fell victim to the advertising reach of the Superbowl Halftime show and wanted to hear “Let’s Go Crazy” as loudly and as often as possible.  (Not to mention “1999” and “When Doves Cry.”)  He reminds me of when I was like 10 years old, flailing around at middle school dances.  And he's good for my attempts to feel better by distracting myself from the sicky feelings via blasting this music as I drive into work.

However, the folks in Westport may not agree with my musical choice, as I received several odd looks from people as I sat at a stop light, rocking happily along to the opening, jittery strains of “Let’s Go Crazy”.  I think I had the music a little too loud.  A woman stared at me in her rearview mirror as I sang my little heart out.  So I waved to her.  And, to her credit, she waved back, albeit confusedly. 

Feeling slightly better today, thanks to going to bed at 9:30 and sleeping like a baby.  Granted, I was tortured by the cats all night long, as they felt the need to splay themselves all over our knees, making it difficult to get comfy, but I slept nonetheless.  Sausage makes it her mission to lie on that crook of your knees that makes sleep extremely unlikely.  But she also sleeps almost flat on her face, with her ears smooshed out so she looks like a little, gray Yoda.  Adorable pain in the arse, she is.  I couldn't resist snapping a picture.

Sleeping Sausage.
The view from my camera phone.

In other news, there is an exclusive, in-depth interview about stem cell research conducted by the founder of dLife, Howard Steinberg, and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi.  Check it out here.  My office will be hand-delivering the feedback to Washington, DC, so if you have something to say about this important issue, make sure you follow the "Send Your Email Now" link on the page. 

Lastly, take a spin by Chronic Babe for this week's edition of Grand Rounds.  The D'Sphere is representing strongly on this edition.  Great job hosting, Jenni!  And Generation D is updated, just in time for Valentine's Day. 

I'm back to listening to my cd.  His name is Prince, and he is funky!

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 12, 2007

Crumbs Morrone.

The Feelings:  Weak, flushed, and slightly nauseated.  Like I’m trotting around with a high blood Sick Until Me.sugar but I’m really only 152 mg/dl.  Unbelievable headache, like I’ve never experienced before.  Dehydrated, miserable, and unfocused.  Obviously the flu shot does nothing to protect from the plague.

Did I mention whiney.  :)

The CVS Checklist:  Kleenex, Children’s Motrin chewable, power bars, and sugar-free cough drops.  Maybe something trashy to read, because celebrity magazines are known to reduce fevers in bloggers. 

The Mission:  Make it through today at work and then go home to collapse immediately into bed, possibly eating some soup beforehand but I don’t really care if that happens.  No gym today.  My body doesn’t appear to be capable of anything other than being pathetic.  I need to sleep.  I feel like Crumbs Morrone. 

Back tomorrow, once I find myself capable of stringing together more than a few words. 

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 09, 2007

Spammed a Lot

There were carnations on the bureau already – bright pink and blooming by the window.  I like flowers and Chris is quick to make sure there are always some in the vase in the bedroom. 

Yesterday, for my birthday, I noticed that there were a few extra bits in there.

“What’s this?”Birthday flowers

“Your birthday flowers!  They should be springing up in a few days.” 

There were budding daffodil stems hidden amongst the carnations.  He is too cute.

For my birthday, Chris surprised me with tickets to see Spamalot at the Schubert Theater on Broadway.  I’m not much for musicals – something about people bursting randomly into song makes me feel a little twitchy – but I was excited to see anything involving Monty Python and anything with the obscenely funny British comedy feel.  And I was excited to be in the city for my birthday. 

The play was excellent.  We laughed at the funny bits and marveled at the set changes.  The acting was fantastic and the music was just tongue-in-cheek enough to keep us from becoming annoyed.  (How annoyed can you be with a song containing the lyrics “This is the song that sounds like this…”?)  The Knights that say Ni made an appearance, as did Tim and the evil, white bunny rabbit.  French gatekeepers farted in people's general directions.   God also stopped by for a spell, encouraging King Arthur to find his chalice.  Overall, the theater newbie in me was appreciative and entertained.  And had a stomachache from laughing.
 
My heels clacking on the New York City sidewalks, fresh from a Broadway show, protected from the icy winds by a scarf, and hand-in-hand with my boyfriend, it was a gorgeous way to celebrate another year.

Next on my theater list?  Talk Radio.  I loved the screenplay.  I loved the movie.  I can't wait to see it live.  I think it starts tonight. 

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 08, 2007

A Conversation with Lisa Roney

Lisa Roney

When I opened my email a few months ago and saw something from "Lisa," I sat there staring at the screen for a few minutes. 

“No way...” I murmured under my breath.  I opened the email to read Lisa Roney, author of Sweet Invisible Body, introducing herself to me and telling me she had come across my blog. 

It was one of those moments that I couldn’t quite wrap my head around.  Lisa Roney wrote the book that inspired me to write about diabetes.  It was her voice that gave me hope during a very difficult time in my life.  It was her book that served as an oasis in the desert of disheartening information about diabetes.  Sweet Invisible Body proved to me that it was possible to be twenty something and live a vibrant life with diabetes, while still acknowledging the emotional spin-cycle.

By reading those pages, I knew I wasn’t alone. 

So when she agreed to an interview, I was beside myself.  (Actually, I was beside the cat, but that doesn’t sound quite as eloquent.)

Over the course of almost two hours, we talked about diabetes.  We also talked about a car named Ramona, tossing ashes out of a moving plane, and Nancy Mairs. 

Diagnosed at the age of 11, in January of 1972, Lisa was already in the hospital for a broken ankle and finger due to a horse riding accident. 

“While I was home recovering, I was in a wheelchair.  My mother had to bring me to the bathroom, bring me my drinks, and take care of me.  As I recovered from the accident, my diabetes symptoms were becoming obvious.  There’s no pattern of diabetes in our family, but my mother remembered the symptoms from the Cherry Ames stories.  So she took me to the hospital and I was diagnosed.”

At the time, home glucose meters weren’t readily available.  Diabetics were testing their sugar levels via urine samples.  Although she is currently using an insulin pump, Lisa talked about the home glucose meter as the biggest medical advancement in the treatment of diabetes, summing technological progression up simply with, “I love my meter.”

“Are you a person with diabetes or a diabetic?  And do you really care about theSweet Invisible Body semantics?”  I asked.

She told me of a time when she was surrounded by doctors and nurses, listening in to their medical chatter, referring to the patient in room 4B as “the stab wound” and the one in 6A as “the migraine.” 

“I understand the need for the politically correct term.  But it’s not as much for the patients as it is for the doctors.  Doctors need to remember that their patients are more than just their conditions.  They say ‘diabetic’ as though the patient doesn’t even have a name.”

While the labels weren’t much of a concern, the daily challenges of diabetes proved to be more troubling. 

“When I was first diagnosed, I was fearful of episodes of hypoglycemia.  Now, the biggest challenge is the frustration towards people who think it’s this easy thing- but it’s not just a pill or an injection.” 

We talked about the cure that the medical community has a tendency to dangle in front of us, like a carb-free carrot. 

“A cure, a cure.  Only five years away, or so they say, eh?  You’ve been told this for over 35 years.  What is your perspective on this ‘cure’?”

“I’m of two minds on this topic.  There are things we need to say in order to get the cash.  It’s a social injustice how under-funded this [diabetes research] is.  But I wish patients were told the truth.”   She added that she isn’t waiting for a cure, nor does she count on one. 

I nodded, though she couldn’t see me through the phone. 

For her book, Sweet Invisible Body, it seems that her reasons for writing it are so similar to the reasons I started to blog.

“I was trying to find my voice.  There were books written by the deaf, the blind, those with cancer ... but nothing about diabetes.  But there were all these cookbooks!”  Lisa laughed.  “So many cookbooks.”

“Right.  But who are they feeding?”  I asked.

“Exactly.  Who are they feeding?  I was told I had a weird sense of plot.  And all I could think was ‘Right.  I’m supposed to be dead.’  I mean, for all intents and purposes, without insulin, I would be dead right now.”

Instead, she wrote a book that is among the most highly-regarded in the diabetes community and among the most dog-eared of my extensive collection. 

As well as providing me with a recommended reading list that took up the better part of a sheet of legal paper and some laughs about the VW culture-phenomenon, Lisa also entertained my hot air balloon question.

“The Great Smoky Mountains National Park.  I used to hike there all the time.  I miss the mountains.”

Thank you, Lisa, for being exactly how you are on paper – warm, funny, accessible, and real.

Lisa currently teaches creative writing at the University of Central Florida.  If you haven’t read Sweet Invisible Body yet (shame on you!), you can purchase a copy here.  If you would like to sponsor Lisa and her Tour de Cure team, click here.  And if you have a story you’d like to share on SUM, please send an email to kerri@sixuntilme.com. 
  

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 06, 2007

From my friend, Demarco.

Six year old Demarco and his mother, Kate, read this blog from their home in Australia.  Kate reads the parts outloud to Demarco that are appropriate (apparently he thinks Siah is pretty darn cute) and sometimes he sends me emails that make me laugh out loud, other times they just about break my heart.  Recently, Demarco did his own edition of a "Letter to My Pancreas," that I had to share with you.

Thank you, Kate, for letting me post Demarco's letter.  He's an inspiration, my friend, and his letters always make me smile.  I'm proud to share him with the readers of Six Until Me.  (Hello, Demarco!)

Dear Pancreas,

You and I were good friends before my second birthday. You helped me grow from a little tiny baby into a big boy who could walk. My mum had planned a Bob the Builder Cake for the 23 November, my 2nd birthday. For some reason though, every time I thought of that cake I didn’t want it as much as I used to.

On the 1st November, you stopped being my friend. Mum stopped talking about the Bob the Builder cake. I didn’t know I had a pancreas. I didn’t know what you did, or where you lived. I thought you were going to help me grow into a big man.

Now that I am 6, I know what islet cells are, and I know my body destroyed them by accident. It was a pretty big accident though, Pancreas, I looked at a picture on my Mum’s computer. You look like a bean! A trouble-making bean…

I have learnt lots about you now and why you stopped working. Just like when a car runs out of petrol. I have 4 needles a day now to replace the insulin you can’t make anymore. My mum’s eyes looked so sad (even though she is always happy) whenever she had to give me my medicine, so now I have decided to do it myself. What I just wanted to ask was, I know the doctors’ are helping, I know JDRF are working super hard and I know everyone wants a cure. If one day, please, you could just wake up again, and let a couple of islet cells escape, maybe then you will remember what to do and how to work again.

If you can’t do it though, I understand.  I know how it feels to be different from the other kids. You must be feeling the same way, living so close to the liver and the stomach. I hope they don’t tease you.  One good thing is that, even though you stopped working, I got to go in a plane and see Parliament House and see John Howard!  Not many kids without Type 1 Diabetes could say that. I’m not angry I have Type 1 Diabetes, and I’m not angry at you. I am really patient and have learnt how to wait for scientists to help you work again. I want to be a zoo keeper when I grow up. I have heard that Diabetics can go blind after a long time with no cure…if I went blind, I couldn’t feed the lions or they would eat me!

I believe in you, Pancreas.

Your owner,
Demarco

Demarco

 

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 05, 2007

Where the hell is my meter?

I definitely tested at the gym.  I did my 33 minutes and checked before I went into the weight room – 107 mg/dl.  Had a few quick swigs of juice, put my meter back in the locker, and went upstairs to do my resistance workout.

The rest of the afternoon was a bit of a whirlwind, but it involved a shower, sandwiches, folding the rest of the laundry before the cats slept on it and made it all furry, and driving up to a Where are you?friend’s house for a Superbowl party. 

Halfway there, Chris and I were yapping away to one another and I was absently riffling through my purse for the black zipper case where my meter lives.  Hmmm … no where to be found.  Cell phone, lip gloss, juice, glucose tabs, that dog-eared yellow notebook I always have on me, and what may have once been a granola bar, but no meter. 

Aw shit.  I must have left it at home.  Now I have the next five hours to muddle through without testing. 

No issues at the Superbowl party (aside from the fact that I don’t really care about football and almost cried at the GM commercial with the suicidal machine), but when we came home, no meter.

“Did you check all the places?”  Chris asked.

“Yeah.  I looked on the bedside table.  On the bureau.  On the bookcase.  In the cupboard where the granola bars are.  In the fridge.  I checked the linen closet, too, and the bathroom.”

“I’m going to check outside in the car again.”  But even after Chris traipsed around in the freezing cold in pursuit of my meter, it was still missing. 

Armed with a back-up AccuChek meter, it wasn’t so much that I couldn’t check my blood sugar but more the fact that I felt like an irresponsible crumb.  What the hell did I do with my meter?  That thing is supposed to be within reach at all times, and I gone more than five hours without testing.  All of a sudden I cared about the results saved on my meter (as if I were printing them out nightly and making charts to analyze my course, like a glucose-obsessed sea captain).  And I was not happy about having no lancing device and being forced to manually prick my finger, which included me making horrible anticipatory faces, even though it didn’t hurt that much. 

Overall, feeling like a crumb.  I was Crumbs Morrone.

This morning’s mission:  Call the gym and see if my little meter is there.  If it is, rejoice.  If it isn’t, call my doctor for a quick prescription for another OneTouch.

But the best commercial of last night was definitely the GM one.  Hands down. 

UPDATED 11:30 am:  Yay!  The Russian man who runs my gym just called and told me that my meter was found in the ladies' locker room and is safe and sound.  I will recover it tonight, with glee.  Argh ... the Glucose Sea Captain in me is now calmed.  Full speed ahead!

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 02, 2007

Exposed.

I work for a diabetes media company.  People here are significantly more educated than your average co-worker about the intricacies of diabetes.  They talk about it all day long here at dLife.  It’s the focus of our business.  The CEO is diabetic, for crying out loud.

And it’s known that I’m diabetic, as well.  My co-workers know about my blog.  They see my meter case on my desk all day long.  They’ve seen my pump clipped to my pocket, on occasion.  It’s not like I hide anything.  It’s not like I have to.  It's not like I ever would.

My boss popped her head into my office.

“We’re meeting over in [Marketing Woman]’s office.”

I had my hand to my collarbone and, with the other hand, held the juice to my mouth as I drained the can like someone dared me to.  I knew I was white as the papers on my desk and my forehead felt damp and clammy. 

50 mg/dl. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah.  Just low.  I’ll be fine in a few minutes.”

These words – I’m low – they mean something in this office.

“Okay.  Do you need anything?”

Shook my head.  Kept drinking.

“Take your time.”

She left and I finished the juice.  And for some reason, sitting there alone, these tears filled my eyes and I had to furiously blink them back. 

I waited a few minutes.  Tested at 87 mg/dl – high enough to join the meeting without issue. 

Why did I feel so odd?  Maybe because I was low.  Maybe I was embarrassed.  Maybe I just want to write about it - I don’t really want to live with it.  That’s a feeling I try to keep squashed down for the most part, but at that moment, I felt weak.  I don’t make any claims to be in control of this thing, but it’s nice to pretend sometimes. Usually I can make a joke about it, or find the bits that are worth learning from. 

But this time, I felt vulnerable.

[ Yahoo! ] options

February 01, 2007

Reasons Why My Brain is Oatmeal Today:

EXISTThe February issue of EXIST Magazine is now available on your local Internet.  That means that my pillow and I didn't make contact until the wee hours of the morning.  That means that my coffee mug and I are in constant contact today. 

There was a minor explosion in our water heater last night, which involved me leaping about three feet into the air and squealing "Ooooh!" when the top of the heater threw sparks.  It also cause the tails belonging to both Abby and Ms. Sausage to bristle up to about three times the size and send them careening frantically towards underneath the bed.  The landlord is at the house now, but I've taken far too many icy showers this week and I'm saying silent prayers every fifteen minutes that the heater will be healed when I go home today.  And the cats will have deflated back to their normal sizes.

I have spent waaa-ay too much time this week trying to line up all the documents I need to score my passport for St. John.  More on this later, but I will say that I had a seventy-three year old man scrutinize my five year old license picture and say, "Hmmm... your hair is much darker in this picture, sweetheart." 

Thanks, Mister.

[ Yahoo! ] options