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A Few Drinks.

Let's Get it On!The microphone drops down and Mills Lane plucks it out of the sky.

“In this corner, bringing a bevy of boluses and carbonated carbohydrate content, wearing Gold Shorts and a lime wedge, weighing in at about 12 oz is the mysterious new challenger, La Corona!” 

He raises his fists in the air and burps.

“And in this corner, The Titan of Tight Control, the A1c Ally, weighing in at about 9 oz and made up of cheap vodka, cranberry juice, and a splash of Tropicana orange juice – the reigning champion, The Mighty Madras!”

Madras also pumps his fists, holding tight to a thin, red straw and a test strip.

“Gentlemen, this is the title match.  Nothing below 50 mg/dl and nothing, nothing above 250 mg/dl – do you hear me?  I want a good, clean fight.  Now let’s get it on!”

Bell rings.

“And the Corona lurches forward right away, fists flailing! Look at those carbs, folks!  The Mighty Madras is backing off a bit – I can hear those ice cubes clanking against the side of him!  Corona reels back, swings out and oooooh! A solid hit to the jaw of the Madras!  He’s falling back!  He’s staggering!  Could he be out already?  Is this newcomer going to knock the ol’ Tried and True out of the ring? 

The Madras is leaning against the ropes … he looks exhausted!  Only a few minutes into this fight and the Cold Corona definitely has the upper hand!  This could be it! 

… But wait, what’s this I see?  Yes, the Mighty Madras is on his feet!  He’s taken out a blood glucose meter from his pocket.  He’s looking to test Kerri – judges?  Are we allowing this?  Yes, the judges are allowing a blood test.  And Kerri, after having two of the icy cold Coronas, is up to 253 md/gl!  Her bolus was grossly under estimated!  They’re flashing the results across the marquee – indeed, Kerri is high and the Corona can’t stop staring at the number! 

And – ooooh! – the Mighty Madras has snuck in a jab while the Corona isn’t paying attention!  He’s now pummeling the Corona!  There’s lime juice everywhere, my friends … this is truly a gruesome beating!”

Corona is leaning against the ropes, exhausted from the beating.  The Madras reels back his fist, angry that Kerri didn’t measure correctly for her drinks and is now high as a kite.  He knows he would have been easier to count.  He knows he could have let Kerri enjoy steadier blood sugars and a night out.  Why did she pick Corona?  Was it the price?  Was it the fact that “out having a beer” is what she preferred over a more pretentious mixed drink?  Madras didn’t know.  He didn’t care.  All he knew is that the Corona was horning in on his woman and he wasn’t standing for it.

“And the Madras has brought out a bottle of insulin!!  And OH MY GOD he’s cracked it over the Corona’s head!  Corona is out!  It’s a knock-out, dear viewers!  This fight is over!  Over!”

Corona falls flat against the mat, out cold.  The ring smells of sweat and insulin.  Mills Lane grabs the championship belt and thrusts it into Madras’s hand, declaring him “Winnah!”  Madras, bleeding profusely from the eye and crying, raises the belt to the air and yells, “Kerri!  Kerri!”  Kerri comes running from the stands, meter in hand, and stands in front of him as she tests.  “153 mg/dl.  I’m coming down.  I’ll be more careful next time I drink high-carb beers, O Mighty Madras.  I promise!”

They embrace.  The “Rocky” theme swells in the background.  Kerri decides that the next time she wants to have a beer, she needs to measure more carefully and bolus with more precision.  She also discovers that she has run this storyline into the ground.

Mills Lane wipes the tears from his eyes.  “I love a good fight.”

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Comments

Hi, Kerri! I don't drink (for other-than-diabetes-reasons), but I appreciate the story nontheless-It was very creative and entertaining. You have been encouraging to me, as I read about you always taking the time to test your blood sugar. As a result, I have become more attentive, too. Thanks and have a great Monday!

One more thing--I saw the delurking post a couple of weeks ago, and I was wondering, what does "delurking" mean? Does it just mean introducing yourself? Do I do that on the blog, or to you on your e-mail? Sorry, I'm new at this...

Delurking means to comment on a person's blog...sort of revealing yourself. You're a lurker if you just read a blog and don't comment. It's a much creepier name than a reader deserves :)

Those damned beer carbs.

I loved this Rocky themed post. I was ROFLMAO. I can't wait to see the latest Rocky movie.

SarahN - Shannon explained it perfectly. Thanks for letting me know you're reading. And hello! I'm glad you're out there.

Shannon - The final Rocky movie left a much better taste in my mouth than the 5th one. Tommy Gun? He was a freaking disaster. The 6th one was decent enough and I will admit to having had goosebumps on occasion. ;)

Kerri, you are such a crack up and a cleaver one at that!

Such great imagery here, Kerri. I know I often feel like there's a royal rumble boxing matching going on inside of my body!

Very clever entry, Kerri.

So sad Corona couldn't go the distance... though it might make a great comeback story. ;-)

HA! What a great post! I miss Mills Lane - he was the best referee ever!

The in-laws and I watch boxing together every Saturday night - it's a long standing tradition, and one I hold very dear.

I saw the picture of Mills, and thought to myself "How the heck does Kerri know about Mills Lane?!"!

Although - with Madras whipping out head-cracking insulin vials and meters, it sounded a bit more like WWF Wrestling than a boxing match! Still good stuff though. We won't worry about those pesky details.

The only thing you left out was Larry Merchant's annoying post fight commentary. I'm fine with that too!

Take care!

Sorry - that was me! See! Details, they'll get you every time!

hahahaha!! Great post - I will definitely have this in my head when I'm tempted to go outside the tried and true, go-to drink :-)

I'll drink to that post!

Hah! Funny stuff, Kerri!

Ok, thanks for the info. I guess I haven't been lurking after all, because I do post a comment occasionally! Incidentally, Kerri, I am also a 27 year old female with type 1 diabetes. I can relate to a lot of the experiences you write about.

Hi Kerri! Great story! I have tried to stay away from drinks all together because I NEVER stay in range. But that's hard at our age. I have a question...do you bolus for the madras? If so, how much? I am always scared to bolus because I always end up dropping so low in the wee hours of the morning after I drink. Also, I am 27, and have had type 1 since '89. I guess I am officially "delurking" this minute! Thanks for all your stories. They are very encouraging. I have forwarded your site to my boyfriend and my mother so they can better understand what we go through. You have painted the perfect picture.

Lindsey - Thanks for delurking. (I definiltey need a better word that "lurk." Maybe Quiet Readers?)

Re: the madras, I bolus 0.8u for each drink. Then, without fail, I have a glass of milk before bed and a piece of toast. It wards off the wicked lows and usually has me wake up around 190 mg/dl - better than 40, that's for sure.

And thanks for passing this site on to your mom and boyfriend. My mom and boyfriend read, too, so maybe they'll all be Quiet Readers together. ;)

SarahN - Wow - lots of 27 yr old female readers today! Thanks for reading.

Sam Adams - I'm assuming that's your real name, of course.

Erica - What is your "tried and true" drink? I've never found out what other diabetics have worked with.

Scott - Ugh, Larry Merchant. He doesn't end up in any of my fictional accounts with sports heros. ;)

Sandra - I think Corona will fight again. But will he be victorious? Tune in!

Julia, George, and Nicole - Thank you kindly! Nothing like a good drink and a good fight, eh?

Brilliant description of the fights that alcohol can present with diabetes! I don't have a standard rule for handling beer-drinking, but I usually manage anyway :-) It works best if the drinking goes with a meal, though. Beer has a tendency to make my BG rise initially, but then after a couple of hours I tend to fall, so I have to look out for those damn hypos.

Good luck with the next fight! Maybe the Corona will claim its revenge ;-)

Another great "battle" post!

Hey there! I'm just adding to the list of 27 year old diabetic readers today :) You are a great writer Kerri!

I love the creative story. It gets the point across and is fun to read. I love your writing in general though so no surprise that I like this one.
:-)

Keep in mind, I'm still honeymooning a bit and I don't know if this has anything to do with it... but I never have to even bolus for wine or diet soda/liquor drinks. But also I can't drink more than 2 at a sitting since I'm nursing!

Nice post, hehe. I very rarely drink but when I do I usually have a glass of wine or a few shots of Petron.

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