« NaNo NaNo. | Main | It's Always Time for Peanut Butter Jelly »

My Heroes.

Sometimes it stings when I test my blood sugar.  The lancet springs forward and pierces my fingertip, hitting a nerve and making my eyebrows furrow. 

“Ow!”  I pull my finger back and shake it around a little bit to ease the sting.  The blood is pulled into the strip and I wait for the result.

No one in my family knows what that feels like.  My family and friends know that this is part of the routine I follow every day – testing blood sugars, taking insulin, watching carbs, carrying juice – but they don’t know how this feels.   Do they know what it’s like to prick your finger every day?  Or to experience the sensation of insulin spreading beneath your skin?  Do our loved ones understand the settling mental fog of a high blood sugar?  Or the panicked frustration of a low?  What it’s like to understand that the future of your health lies heavily in your hands sometimes?  They try their best to understand and they go to great lengths to make you feel like they understand completely, but they can’t.  And I don’t want them to.  I don’t want my family and friends to feel what I feel sometimes.  I want them to be healthy and protected from this.

But those of you with diabetes – you know.D-Blog DayYou know what a three hour high blood sugar feels like.  You understand how frustrating it is to do “all the right things” and still end up at 212 mg/dl.  You have been at the bottom of the well, aching for glucose, clinging desperately to a bottle of Dole orange juice as you lean against the freezer cases at the gas station.  You have felt those fears about the future. 

You’ve also felt the elation at eating a piece of delectable strawberry cheesecake, accurately bolusing for the carbohydrates, and clocking in at a tidy 100 mg/dl.  You know what’s like to go to the gym and work out hard and with great ambition, successfully keeping your glucose steady at 130 mg/dl the whole time.  Some of you have challenged your body and created beautiful children.  You understand how funny it is to find a test strip in your shoe.  You have posted a lab result on your fridge with an A1c you’re proud of.  You understand and appreciate feeling Good, because you know you’ve worked hard that day to feel that healthy.

We are the success stories.  Even as I sit here, 20 years into this and with the beginnings of diabetic retinopathy in my eye, I feel successful.  I can’t think of a single thing I have been unable to do because I was diabetic.  I have ridden rollercoasters.  Taken gorgeous vacations.  Danced with reckless abandon with my friends.  Moved to new towns and started new careers.  Said goodbye to loved ones.  Said hello to others.  Fallen in love. 

All with a pump in my pocket and a meter in my purse. 

Every day we face this disease.  There are days when we feel like we’re on top of the world and others when we feel like we’re trying to keep it from falling on us.  But for me, every day is a easier knowing that there are people out there who Understand Completely.  You, my fellow d-bloggers, are my heroes.  Every day, every post I read, inspires me.  You understand what it’s like to really live with this disease. 

I’m not sure how my life would be if I hadn’t started blogging, but I’m so thankful for the life I lead.  And I’m so thankful for all of you. 

Happy D-Blog Day.

TrackBack

TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://sixuntilme.com/blog-mt1/mt-tb.fcgi/97

Comments

it's an honor to know you Kerri!

Aw. *shucks*

I'm thankful for you too Kerri!

tek

A few days ago, when I asked Joseph (who was very high at the time) not to rub his site after we'd just done a set change, he said "It hurts, Mom."

"I know," I told him.

"No, you don't know, Mom," he said in a firm voice, eyes edged with tears. "You don't know how this feels at all."

I hate it-- this not really knowing.

And while that fact isn't going to change, being a part of this community has given me a level of understanding that I would otherwise never have had.

And for that, among many other things, I am grateful.


Thank you, Kerri for such an uplifting post.

I , like Sandra, hate not really knowing what Riley feels. But, I do know that whatever he feels, you've all been there, and you are all OK.

Thanks.

Thank you Kerri, for your wonderful writing abilities. I am a mother of a type 1 diabetic daughter who is now 6 years old. I hope that she grows up with the same attitude and dedication in taking care of herself as you do. No, I don't fully understand what it is like to live with diabetes, but I know how it feels to love someone sooo much and not being able to do anything about what is causing them pain. That sucks!!!! Take care, and keep doing what your doing.

Well put, Kerri! Noone but us really know what D feels like every day. Though this fact certainly can be frustrating at times, I do think that our family and friends do their best to, if not knowing , at least follow our struggles and support us when we need them to.

A side note - I couldn't help smile a bit about your statement about us being Heroes, because I frequently use Hero as username or the like. The reason why I do that is because He are the initials of my first name and ro the initials of my family name. I have thought about the symbolic sound of it, but never relating to diabetes :-)

Right back at ya Kerri!!!

As a parent, I want to crawl into Brendon's skin and really FEEL what he's feeling, but I know he wouldn't want that. He wouldn't want his mom to hurt like he does. So all I can do is be at his side when he needs to lean and rest.

You wrote a post that really hit the heart of being a PWD.

You describe the feelings associated with being a PWD well. Thank you.

Thank you Kerri.
I know I don't feel physically what Kylee feels each time she takes her "poke" and fingerstick but in my heart I am their with her - always.
I told my son that there is not a night that goes by that at 8:30 pm a prayer is not sent up to heaven that her Lantus shot went well.....
You are a treasure Kerri...

Having only been diagnosed in June, I am still learning how it feels, the highs I was getting, and the lows now that I am on meds. Trying to be a parent, and be there for my daughter, and still take the time to take care of myself and learn all I need to know to keep myself healthy. Though I do know the feel of the lancet hitting a nerve now.:)

No, THANK YOU, Kerri! (Group hug now {{{{}}}} Ahhh, I can feel the love now!).

Simply put? You rock.

Thank you for writing about your experiences with Diabetes and how you have still gone on to live life to it's fullest despite what gets thrown at you by this stupid disease.

Keep on rockin'.

Kerri, so very well said.

No one captures and expresses our shared feelings and experiences better than you.

Keep using those gifts. They are a blessing to us all!

Kerri,
You choose the most expressive photos for your posts-its all good, I love 'em all. Thank you for being such a vital part of the O.C.

kerri, thank you for being my friend and being there for me when i need a shoulder. I am so glad you became my friend. And thanks for being so smart and stuff too... your writing is AWWWWW SOME... haha keep it up girl, one day you are gonna write about something else, i promise lol

We have been thrown into this. So unsure of what is happening and what is going to happen in terms of Emma. We are so lost at times and have no clue where to go. But one thing is for sure We always start here first. You are our proof that Emma will extraordinary.
I hope she knows you one day.
Thanks Kerri

Some of it I experience firsthand, most of it I experience secondhand. Thank you for sharing your talent of writing with us over the past year and a half (how long I've been reading, and pointing out the REALLY good posts to Greggie, not that there are any bad).

I'm really pushing a NYC trip this spring/summer...

Thank you, Kerri, too! I've still not sent that email I promised. This week has been satan-sent.


Kerri--
Thank you so much for this post. I was reading a few nights ago and I came across the "many type 1's will experience complications from diabetes about 20 years after diagnosis" statistic. I cried for a long time that night. I mean I had read it before....but it just struck me differently that night. I cried myself to sleep, then my boyfriend called me and knew there was something wrong--I tried to explain it to him. The frustration but mostly the fear. He tried to understand but he didn't. He can't. But you and everyone else in the OC can...and posts like yours today are the some of the things that help me through it all.
--Deanna

That was really quite beautiful, you summed up exactly what it is.

Kerri, you really know how to phrase it. You're my hero.

You're my hero too, Kerri.

sometims i wish people did know what it was like to be low, then they wouldn't bother me when i'm low and i wouldn't have to shout at them.

just to know someone else understands, or feels the same way makes getting through all of this so much easier.

Kerri

Thanks for expressing perfectly how we all feel. Sometimes it's easy to overlook the details (which is a blessing), but I think it's important for others to understand.

Keep up the terrific writing!

My fingers are right there with you Kerri - well said.

I just want to thank you Kerri for your blog. I look forward to reading it.

My son Brendan is 10 years old and January 2007 will be our second year anniversary since the diagnosis. It is amazing how your life changes after the diagnosis.

I am grateful to be able to connect with others about this disease. Life is definetly a roller coaster ride with diabetes.

Thanks for sharing your experiences. You are a great writer.

When i was first dx. i felt so lonely. it was awful because no one my age has a chronic disease. there are days i still feel lonely with a hallow pit on my stomach waiting the 2 hours to test. this disease is isolating, but blogs, like this one, do help.

Beautiful, as always. Thank you for all your insight, courage and celebration of life!

I agree, beautiful post :)

Hi Five Girl! LB style!

Thank you for this post Kerri. I've been diabetic for 5 years, with my fair share of ups and downs, and I hope I'm as positive and driven as you are when I reach my 20th year with diabetes. I truly believe "attitude is everything" when it comes to this disease. You're a great role model for other diabetics, and I hope you continue to grace your faithful readers with your writings on diabetes (and pictures of adorable felines ;)) for years and years to come.

Post a comment

(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)