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Blog Therapy.

So much to keep track of:  blood sugar results, boluses, basal rates, low bloodsugar reaction treaters, medical alert bracelet,  A1c levels, blood pressure, cholesterol, weight management, food intake, hiding the pump in my daily ensemble, carbohydrate counting, insulin to carb ratios, medical insurance deductibles, appointments at Joslin, extra battery for pump, back up infusion sets, insulin pen, meter log book …

Oh, and have I fed the cats?  Or changed the oil in my car?  Or put on my pants?

It’s difficult sometimes to keep track of everything in life that needs attention.  With diabetes, it’s as though there are two lives to keep track of:  One Life that is filled with the same things that all lives are filled with and The Other Life that exists for my diabetes.  Often, the lines are blurred between the two and I find myself out to a fabulous dinner with my boyfriend, blending the arrival of the food and a mental calculation of carbs, testing my blood, and then the subsequent bolus without noticing the seams.  Or I climb into the car to drive home after work and test my blood sugar just as instinctively as I put on my seatbelt.  One Life and The Other Life are often just My Life.  The Little, Teeny Blogosphere.

And then sometimes I feel so crummy about the whole thing that it lays so heavy on my chest that I can’t breathe right.

It’s strange how something as simple as a little blog can bring such focus for me. 

Writing about this disease makes it easier for me to deal with.  Putting my thoughts on paper (and then on the internet for the whole world to see … what am I thinking?) gets them out of my head and takes some of the pressure off my heart.  Hearing that there are people who are experiencing similar frustrations, encountering similar roadblocks, feeling what I feel, means so much to me.  I feel like I lived alone with this disease for so long.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t have the support of my wonderful family or my loyal friends or my romantic relationships, but they can only understand so much.  Now I have a vast network of other people with diabetes that makes the lines between One Life and The Other Life blur. 

It struck me last night, as I added two more new diabetes blogs to my blogroll and marveled at how long I had to scroll down to view all the voices.  How many people out there know how I feel.  I feel comforted.  And inspired.  I read a post last night about a woman who wondered how she would fold her pump into her wedding gown and I thought, “That’s exactly it!  This is how we take the best care of ourselves as diabetics and have tremendous lives.”  And I thought about it again this morning, as I sat down at my job where I write for a living, and I thought about how un-lonely I felt.  How grateful I was for just the presence of other people living, every single day, with this same disease.  How the spin cycle of my life rinses out neatly when I don’t feel as though I’m the only one.

The world is whittled down to a more manageable size when I don’t feel alone.

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Comments

You are definitely not alone. My 6 yr. old daughter has type 1 diabetes. I read your blogs everday, and It helps me to know that other people understand this disease as I do. I would probably relate better with your mother. Although, taking care of a child with diabetes, I feel as if I have the disease myslef. It really helps reading you blogs. Continue what your doing because you are making a difference in peoples lives.

I just have to say I look forward to reading your blog everyday! I am 26 and have been diabetic for 8 years. It's reassuring to know someone out there is going through exactly what I go through just to get out of the house! Let's see..check sugar..do i have enough strips..glucose tabs..crackers..insulin..SANITY! Meanwhile you have to look like a supermodel and make it all look like it to no effort whatsoever! Ahh, it can be so overwhelming :o)

Knowing I am not the only person that checks my sugar while driving, in the movie theater, in line at the grocery store gives me more self confidence. And for that I have to THANK YOU! You are truly making a difference in more lives than you know.

There's a lot of things that people without diabetes or without connections to someone with diabetes won't ever fully understand. And for that, there's the online community.

I'm happy I joined up with everybody here. Thanks for the blog roll add, Kerri. :)

I feel EXACTLY as you do. I am always writing and talking about the OC and how much they really have turned my life around.

My Pump, my lowered a1c, exercising, quitting smoking, 8-10 bg checks a day, and seeing an Endo are all things that I can say the OC helped with.

I do not know what I would do without my blogging friends and that includes you Kerri!

A friend of mine asked me why I blogged. I told her that it was a way to get in touch with people who can relate to what I go through with Brendon.

Reading your blog and everyone else's has given me such a healthy perspective on how to handle Brendon's diabetes management.

Plus I'm not so scared anymore about Brendon's future when it comes to his health.

I can't believe how many are the blogroll! I don't know how to make a blogroll so I always come to your site. Not just for the blog roll, I also LOVE your blog.

I too find blogging very therapeutic for me. It helps me to uncover some of the feelings I have about living with diabetes.

I also want to have a record or story of my life with diabetes. My struggles, my successes, my challenges and my rejoices. My diabetes. A picture of the progress I make as I work through it all.

I want those who come after me to get a picture of all that I do, why I am the way I am, and how dealing with diabetes shapes my daily life. What better place to do that than in a blog?

While I too am fortunate to have a wonderful support structure in my family and friends, there are many things that can not be understood by someone that doesn't live with diabetes.

The wonderful connections that we have all made with each other are just priceless, and I value them very much. Our willingness to help each other, with whatever we can, because we all know what we are all dealing with - and we so freely offer the support and friendship because we truly know how helpful it is.

You, Kerri, are a true gem in the OC, and I'm sure you know that with the wonderful audience that reads and comments on your blog. You have touched many many people out there in a very positive way. It is nice to know that you feel the same way about us too.

Thank YOU for all you do.

Two words: me too!
Since I was diagnosed in the middle of my freshman year of college, I felt especially alone (with the D on top of the strangeness of freshman year and trying to make new friends, etc), but I think it was when I discovered the OC that my attitude towards diabetes turned around!

Here, here, Kerri, you have expressed, once again, exactly how I feel about blogging and this online community.

I can't believe I've been offline for 3 days - it feels like forever. The move has been trying and I am EXHAUSTED!

Can't wait to be posting again...

Kerri,

I, too, look forward to reading your blog. My diabetic son is 14, and was diagnosed at 5. I felt VERY alone at first. I have met some amazing people on our journey through living with diabetes: other parents, kids,young adults. The diabetic community can be very inspiring. Keep up the great writing!

I have to live both of those lives as well. After all, what choice do I have. If I ignore either life, something suffers.

As for blogging, it is all about getting out the feelings and the O.C.

Couldn't agree more!

I think we all blog/journal for the same reasons. We have to get these things off our chests in order to get through our day. I don't have diabetes, but have a feeling I'll could be diagnosed with it at some point in my life. My father, uncle, and a couple cousins of mine are type one. I have had to be on oral steriods for about a year to treat my asthma and have had some trouble with high blood sugar. I blog to get my frustrations out about living with my asthma. It keeps me from exploding. :-)

I like reading your blog to see how someone else manages to live a wonderful life while dealing with a chronic condition.

We have to get inspiration somewhere.

Brit

Hi Kerri,
I am a mom of a 6 year old and a 4 year old with type 1. I really enjoy reading your blog -- it helps to know there are other people out there going through the same things we are. Your writing is engaging, uplifting and very inspiring -- thanks for creating a great blog!

Oh Kerri, you really said it (again) this time.

Thank you!!

- AmyT

Same!

Also, I was sad to see that there was no picture of you and a certain someone from the wax museum... Did you see him at least?

tek

Your blog is inspirational, beautiful to read, honest and hopeful. Thank you for writing and sharing it.

Kerri,

I read your blog everyday. I have a 11 year old son who was just diagnosed 6 months ago. (Feb. 28 2006)It is hard at times and I have learned alot.
Thanks for the inspiration when it gets hard.

Thank You!!!

Emily V.

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