The Princess and the Pump.
A brief synopsis: There’s this prince who is looking for a bride and he’s on the prowl. Any woman up to snuff is a bona fide princess, and he’s not budging on that one. He scours the countryside and finds no princesses.
Slightly bummed – because he wanted a real princess pretty badly – he comes home and sits in his castle as a rainstorm thunders outside.
Then, comes a knock on the door! A woman, soaked to the skin and completely bedraggled, asks for a room for the night to wait out the storm. She claims to be a real princess, but seeing her in such a disastrous state, the Prince’s maid scoffs.
“Real princess, my ass. Sleep on this bed and let’s see how you fare,” and she puts but one pea on the boxspring and piles twenty feather mattresses on top.
Next morning, the claimed-to-be princess doesn’t look much better for the night’s sleep.
“What’s the matter?” asks the maid.
“No offense meant, but I didn’t sleep a wink last night. I kept tossing and turning but couldn’t get comfortable! There was something in the bed that was so hard it has bruised my whole body!”
Everyone gasps and clasps their hands and the Prince realizes he’s got the Real Thing here because only the skin of a princess would be so fair as to notice a pea under 20 mattresses.
So they get married. And the pea is put on display in a museum. And everyone lives happily every after.
Fast forward to last night: Woke up in the middle of the night, so uncomfortable. The skin on my back was tender to the touch. Leaning up this morning, I reached around and felt my pump lying on the bedsheets, biting and burrowing into my back all night long. It must have come loose from my shorts while I was sleeping. There is already a blueish-yellow, baseball-sized sort of bruise. The imprint of the tubing wrapped around my waist, the words “Medtronic Minimed” branded on my lower back.
Feeling much like the princess with fragile skin. And a little whiney, to boot.
I can't be the only one who has woken up with their pump wrapped around them like a boa constrictor.
And do boa constrictors have some sort of vendetta against princesses?